Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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