I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
