addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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