I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
