Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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