I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
