I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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