Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
