just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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