is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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