I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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