i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
