i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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