it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
