I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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