Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
