right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
