he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
