So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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