STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
