You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
wanna go halves on a baby?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
