Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
