i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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