why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
