guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I am one with the molecules
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
