Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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