I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
