My friends, they love my intelligence
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
