its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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