my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
