your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
