Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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