Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
