It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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