The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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