Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
