I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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