I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
