I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
