Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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