i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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