My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
