What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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