There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
