the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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