My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
