I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
