I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
