i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
