I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
