Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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